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    18 februari

    THE DIETERS GUIDE TO WEIGHT LOSS DURING SEX

    ACTIVITY / CALORIES BURNED

    REMOVING CLOTHES..

    With partners' consent 12
    Without partners' consent 187

    UNHOOKING BRA..

    Using two calm hands 7
    Using one trembling hand 96

    GETTING INTO BED..

    Lifting partner 15
    Dragging partner along floor 16
    Using skateboard 3

    ACHIEVING ERECTION..

    For a normal healthy man 2.5
    For a normal healthy woman 549
    Losing erection 0.5
    Searching for it 115

    PUTTING ON RUBBER..

    With erection 1.5
    Without erection 300

    INSERTING DIAPHRAGM..

    If the woman who does it is:
    Experienced 6
    Inexperienced 72

    If a man does it, regardless of experience 680
    (add 5 calories for retrieving it from across the room!)
    With womans consent 50
    Without womans consent 300

    INSERTION..

    If woman is ready 0.5
    If man is not 274

    ORGASM..

    Real 27
    Faked 160

    POSSIBLE SIDE-EFFECTS..

    Bouncing 7
    Sliding around 9
    Serious skidding 12
    Whiplash 27

    ORGASM INTENSITY SCALE..

    Shoes flew off 35
    Expression didn't change 0.5
    Orchestra played 6
    Birds sang:
    Large birds 7
    Small birds 3
    Earth moved 30
    Contact lenses bounced off ceiling 50

    PULLING OUT..

    After orgasm 0.5
    Just before orgasm 500

    PENIS ENVY..

    For woman 3
    For man 72

    AGGRAVATION FACTORS..

    Partner keeps showing you his/her plants 5
    Partner insists on cuddling dog/cat 14
    Partner is taking phone calls 7
    Partner is making phone calls 40

    GETTING CAUGHT..

    By partners' spouse 60
    By your spouse 60.5
    Trying to explain 165
    Trying to remain calm 100
    Leaping out of bed 25
    Getting dressed in one large motion 300
    Thanking partner quickly 2

    POSITIONS ACCORDING TO NATIONALITY..

    Italian..man on top, woman in kitchen 26
    Russian..woman on bottom, man getting permission 55
    English..side by side with lights off 10
    Scots..woman on top, man on whisky 69
    American..both on top 60

    POSITIONS ACCORDING TO PREFERENCE..

    Missionary 45
    Soixante neuf 69
    Doggie fashion 120
    Doggie fashion (with barking and yelping) 150
     
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